Breathe

Disclaimer: The following post may have a little TMI. Consider yourself warned.

So, the last two weeks have been psychological torture for me. I was two weeks late. Not late for work, not late for lunch... LATE LATE! I had changed BC methods last month and I knew that could have something to do with it, but I hadn't been good at taking my pill. I would take it every other day, if that. I knew it was a definite possibility. So for two weeks, whenever I would sit down to pee, I would immediately look for Aunt Flow. Over and over again, it was torturous.

So finally, I told TomTom that I would wait until Tuesday before I took a test (you know, to not ruin the weekend). Yesterday, with my heart in my throat, I went over to the base clinic to DEMAND a blood test. I couldn't bear the thought of a false positive with a home pregnancy test or a urine test, I needed a blood test. The triage nurse was very nice and set me up right away. She said the results would take two hours or so, but that she would call me first thing in the morning as it was already the afternoon. The questions circling my mind for the last few weeks were now playing on repeat as I walked to the lab. Would i be able to devote myself completely to another human being? Would I be able to go to law school? What would a baby do to our relationship? How would b=my body change? Would I be able to handle the labor and delivery? The questions were endless! So I had blood drawn and went back to work; immersing myself in work--anything to get my mind off the results. At 4:45 the same day, the triage nurse called me with the results.




NEGATIVE!!! *sigh* I have never felt such relief in my life.

I understand children are bundles of love and little miracles and that there are people all over the world hoping to one day be parents yada yada yada. I'm just not ready to make such a large sacrifice at this point in my life. Children aren't a new handbag that you wear until you grow tired of it and then buy a new one, they're F.O.R.E.V.E.R. I like to curse, I like to sleep, I like to spend money on me and TomTom, I like to travel and dote on Jake and Pia. For all these reasons, waiting for Baby Mulhall is a good thing!

For now, I hope to work on changing my selfish tendencies in hopes that I will one day be ready for two ankle biters, 2 years apart!